


The Adventures of Irony Man

by hcb53139 (ravinghazelnut)



Category: Iron Man - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers
Genre: Gen, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Tony Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-05 22:45:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6726394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravinghazelnut/pseuds/hcb53139
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or 6 times Tony suspects that he may just be the main character of a really, really depressing rom-com.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Adventures of Irony Man

**Author's Note:**

> Comment please!

1.

Tony wants to be just like his father when he grows up. Howard wants that too, probably– for Tony to take over the great legacy of Stark Industries, to expand the empire, conquer new territories, trying and trying and trying but never _exceeding._

So Tony stops watching Tom & Jerry before bed and stops going out to play kickball with the other kids, and he spends time locked up in the family library. Book after book, filled with facts about the structure and the fundamentals of building the gadgets that Howard adored. At age four, his understanding goes beyond anything the books can teach him.

Nights where Howard stumbles home with his breath stinking of alcohol aren't uncommon; however, this is one of the rare nights that he decides to pay Tony's "workshop" a visit. He picks up a board off the table, fumbles it, mutters under his breath,

"What the hell is this?"

“Electrical circuit! I built it myself!” Tony says, waiting, waiting, waiting. 

“You're–" Howard says, hiccups, "You're four years-old. Four year-olds can't build electrical c-circuits. _I_ didn't when I was four. Stop lying, kid." 

“Mr.Stark," Tony's bodyguard begins hesitantly, takes a deep breath as if to steel himself when Howard looks at him. "I-I saw Tony build it. He's not lying."

The bodyguard is fired,Tony's shipped off to boarding school.

Tony Stark, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, at the age of four, throws his first creation in the trash.

 

2\. 

Tony meets his first friend in boarding school. 

With his strange quirks and what people see as “geekiness”, Tony has (and always had) bullies crowding around him to steal his lunch or just for a good fun beating. 

Tony’s used to this already; in fact, he basks in it. He knows it's pathetic, but it's the only time people are willing to pay attention to him. So here he lies in a heap, bruises littering his skin and absentmindedly bringing a sleeve up to his bloody nose, when he hears a set of footsteps approach him. He looks up and sees an African-American guy, probably a few years older than him, standing in front of him and looking at him.

He's never seen this one around before, but he braces himself anyways, muscles contracting in preparation for the impending blows.

“Well, why don’t you get to it? I’m used to it anyways.” Tony says uneasily when the guy does nothing but stand and stare at him. 

“You’re used to getting beat up?” He finally says, and Tony is really confused, but nods mutely.

"That's fucked up, man."

Out of all things, this startles a laugh out of Tony. 

"Yeah," he says to the guy, not offering any more. 

“Come on, I’m not here to give you a black eye. My name is James Rhodes. You can call me Rhodey, though.” The guy–James– offers Tony a hand, and Tony just stares at it. 

After a long moment of contemplation, he finally takes the hand and snorts, “Rhodey? That’s a dumb name.” 

_Shit,_ Tony thinks, _this is why I have no friends._

All Rhodey does is laugh.

 

3.

Tony is a new person now. Good-looking, charming, confident (not really), genius, billionaire, and he has Rhodey and Pepper (...not really). 

Stark Industries is the leading manufacturer of…well, everything. 

Tony, in his expensive suit, dives out of the jeep, immediately joined by the presence of a missile with his name printed on it. 

He used to think the Merchant of Death was an exaggeration.

And he almost kills himself in a roundabout, complicated, _stupid_ way. A huge missile with “Stark Industries” written on it in large, fancy print.

Fuck, he's changing it to Helvetica if he makes it out alive.

 

4.

Howard's death naturally means that he had to step up to the plate. All eyes are on him, just waiting for him to fuck it all up. 

Tony is a mess. He can't even say that he hates Howard, he doesn't know the man well enough to.

So he drinks and parties and fucks, until Obadiah Stane saves him. Obie helps Tony with the management of the company; Obie helps Tony with _everything._

Until he doesn't. 

Tony only watches in horror as the man he had trusted for years tears out his heart with his bare hands. 

 

5.

Tony loves Captain America as a kid. He's read the comic strips and seen old newspapers and news footage of the good Captain and he adores him. He was a mighty superhero, fighting crime and saving the world on a daily basis, and despite those great feats still having the time and the patience to rescue a kitten from a tree or help an old lady cross the street.

Tony's room is covered wall to wall with posters and pictures of Captain America and Bucky, ranging from photos to newspaper clippings, and even having a few action figures here and there. Tony would never admit it now, but he used to look up to Captain America with all his heart. He starts to hate him, though, when he is about 11 years-old. Captain America is all Howard talks about, all Howard cares about.

The posters are taken down and the action figures are put into a box in a dark corner of the attic never meant to be uncovered. 

They say to never meet your heroes, and Tony isn't 100% certain who 'they' are, but he can't help but agree. He’s pleasantly disappointed when they argue on the helicarrier. Who knew Captain America was such a fucking prick? Maybe that's why him and Howard got along so well.

That's not to say it doesn't hurt when Steve sneers, looks at him like Tony is nothing but a little bug under his boot.

“I do! I understood that reference!” Steve pipes up at something that Fury says, and he looks so damn proud of himself. 

Tony wants to smack him.

 

6.

Tony opens his eyes and is greeted by the stale white lights and the smell of sanitizer. 

He can feel an IV drip in his right hand, and everything on his body hurts. Even his armpits, if that's even possible. He sighs quietly and presses the button that alerts the nurse, and he sits up a little, and _ow._

Tony blinks. Steve is sitting in a seat that is way too small for his muscular build, Thor must’ve just given up and is lying on the floor, Bruce quietly snores in one corner with an open book still on his lap, and Natasha and Clint are jammed into uncomfortable-looking wooden chairs.

 _Why would they stay?_

He always wakes up to an empty room. Pepper usually doesn't have time to stay by his bed, but makes time to see him later. Rhodey is off with military duties and the best he can do is a brief video call.

The nurse rushes in and it’s not a particularly loud movement, but the entire room rouses at her footsteps, and they see that Tony’s awake. They just look at him while the nurse (Trisha, Tony reads off her name tag blearily) checks his vitals and sets a few small blue pills by a cup of water. She finally leaves after briefing Tony on what precisely is wrong with his body (three cracked ribs, two bruised, one punctured lung, broken wrist), and Tony turns wearily to face the team.

“So?” He says. He just wants to get this over with.

“So what?” Steve says, lifting his hand as if to reach forward but dropping it at the last second.

“What did I do wrong this time?” Tony pops the pills in his mouth.

“Nothing," Steve says, and he looks stricken, "You–you're a hero, Tony. We just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Yeah, Tony, we were worried about you. We have to make sure you’re healthy and living, after all. Who else would save the world with us?” Natasha smiles weakly.

 _Oh,_ that explains it, then. They're only here to make sure that he can still fight. That he's still a valuable asset to the team. They don't care for _him,_ obviously.

They want Iron Man, not Tony Stark.

Obviously.

He smiles at them tiredly and mutters a “Thanks.” that is barely audible.

“Tony,” His head snaps back towards Natasha when she says his name.

“Hm?”

“You know that we...” she clears her throat, looking uncomfortable, "That we love you, right?"

Tony just frowns at her, for once his genius brain is only drawing up a blank. 

Then, all of a sudden, Natasha is moving forward to pull her arms around him. He feels confused, paralyzed by doubt. When he finally draws the courage to hesitantly wrap is arms around her back, a sudden urge of wanting to cry overcomes him. He gives up on holding back the tears as he always has, and he lets himself cry. He lets himself be cared for.

It feels nice.


End file.
